Monday, May 23, 2011


I need a computer. I can't really update regularly without one.

Monday, May 2, 2011


Clearly I'm super overly excited about being home. I've been home for a few days now. It's been amazing. I missed Matt so much. When I saw him I jumped on him and basically tackled him to the ground. He said he's been sleeping on the couch for the past 2 weeks because of spiders but he sleeps in bed with me now haha. We've been apart for 3 weeks and now we can't stand being apart. He's at school right now and I just want him to come home so I can spend more time with him even though he needs to get his homework done for his night class. 

He wants me to move to Utah with him when he finishes school in 2 years. I love living in Southern California. I've wanted to live here my whole life. I've never been to Utah but everyone says it's beautiful. He misses his friends because he doesn't really have any here, except me and a couple people up where we used to live (about an hour north of here). It's a tough decision, but I know I'll most likely end up following love. 

It's 11:30 am. That means his class is just now starting. He won't be home until about 1:30 :(
I guess I'm going to go apply for more jobs, do some laundry and start on a project for Matt's dad.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Love you so much, it makes me sick

I get to go back home on Thursday. I'm fucking ECSTATIC. Seriously. It's been over 3 weeks and I'm going crazy. I tried to have as much fun as I could while I was up here, it was mostly a success. Luckily I've been watching my sister's cute pit bull/sharpei mix puppy, Cash. She's funny. And adorable. And goofy as hell...

Cash sitting outside on the patio.

She wanted my tea so bad.

Giving me puppy kisses :)

Saturday is Sabrina's birthday.. Sabrina is Matt's sister. She's turning 16. Meghan and I went on a girl-date again yesterday and while we were out we did a little shopping. We stopped at Barnes and Noble (I could fucking LIVE there. I LOVEEE IT!). My original intentions were to get Heavier Than Heaven, but I ended up getting myself a new sketchbook and pencils. I also got Sabrina a really nice 8.5x5.5 mini Canson sketchbook and a set of really nice graphite stick pencils. And, I couldn't resist. I had to get something for Matt. I got him the Kurt Cobain Journals. I kind of want to keep that one because it's so awesome. It reminded me of Matt instantly. He keeps a ton of notebooks filled with random thoughts, doodles, lyrics, etc. I hope he likes it, although, he'd be completely insane not to. 

Sunday, April 24, 2011


I got my cupcake today! ^.^

Coolest cupcake ever! :)
Well, it would have been way cooler if it were Cookie Monster, but they didn't have him :'(

Saturday, April 23, 2011


Post 2 - Your Crush

For my crush, I chose my boyfriend. I can't think of anybody else I would rather spend my time with or look at all day. I love him for who he is. His flaws are beautiful to me. 

I love when he plays his guitar and sings songs to me, even when he's just being silly. 

I love his green eyes and his soft lips. 

I love his strong arms and his large, skillful hands. 

I love his sense of humor. 

I love that he panics before school because he always thinks he's going to be late to class so he always asks me to help him get his things ready. 

I love that he's not scared to talk to anyone. 

I love that he doesn't care what people think about him. 

I love that he's perfectly fine making a fool of himself. 

I love how intelligent he is. 

I love that he makes and records his own music. 

I love how passionate he is about playing his guitar.

I love that we can stay up all night talking and laughing about our childhoods.

I love it when he argues with me about who loves who more.

I love that he draws and doodles and is just creative in general.

I love that he steals all my blankets on purpose so I cuddle up next to him to stay warm.

I could seriously go on and on all day, but instead I'll just get to the pictures.

I snuck this after he got finished eating his Lucky Charms.

Matt drawing on our way home from Lake Tahoe

He drew me an ice cream when we first started dating<3

This was taken at the apartment I lived in when we met. He lived downstairs.

We were playing King's Cup. Matt was already trashed. This was the night  we put our feelings for each other into action. (AKA the night we started dating) This was before that happened, though.

This is the first picture we ever took together. The night after we met. <3

Miranda took and edited this picture of us at the movies.

The shadow of Matt and I in San Francisco.

Matt by a big chair in Santa Barbara.

This is me, but with his guitar. He has so much patience for trying to teach me. :)

The day after Halloween. Matt went swimming in the ice cold pool then we both went in the hot tub.

I love him. He makes my heart flutter. Every time I see or hear his name, or anything that reminds me of him, I get butterflies.<3
Edit: Most of all, I love it when he smiles. He's got the most amazing smile I've ever seen.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Something to get to know me a little better..

30 Things - Post 1 (My best friend)

First off, I want to say that I have very few people I call "friend". I have a lot of acquaintances, but friendship is something very special to me. That being said, I have more than one "best friend".

Get ready for a lot of pictures..

My best friend of all time, the one person who has never let me down, is Joe. We met in 11th grade World History class. We sat next to each other and discovered immediately that we were complete opposites. He was VERY friendly and outgoing, he made friends with everyone, I always had a wall up and I was kind of.. mean, actually. I "didn't want to make new friends". Of course, this was more of a defense mechanism than actual truth. Our first conversation, while standing outside of class waiting to be let in, went something like this:
Joe: Hi! What's your name?
Me: Don't talk to me. I hate everyone.
Joe: Wow... Well... I'm Joe.. Nice to meet you... Do you still hate me?
Me: Eh, I guess you're ok. We'll see what happens. You're wearing a Dashboard Confessional shirt. You're emo. You are now Emo Joe.
Joe: Hahahaha, ok then. If I ever get famous I'm using that name, I'll give credit where it's due. And don't worry. I make new friends every year but I never stay in touch with them, so next year we probably won't talk.
Me: Word.

Truth is, we did end up staying friends the next year, and for years after that. In fact, we're still friends. I moved in with my mother about a week before walking in graduation. About 3 weeks after that, she kicked me out. At that point, I moved in with a girl who I thought was a good friend (key word being "thought") We needed more roommates to pay the mortgage in the 4 bedroom house we were living in, so I called Joe and asked if he would like to move in. He said yes, came and picked me up, and we started packing his things that night. His mother and father both love me, I guess it's because his family is Italian and so is mine. Anyway, things ended up not working out in the house. Our landlord was a joke. We lived there for about 10 months then Joe and I ventured out on our own and found a 2 bedroom apartment close to my mother. To this day, he was the best roommate I've ever had. We had a deep understanding of one another. We knew exactly when to leave the other alone and exactly when we needed to talk. We made the best memories in that apartment. Now Joe is engaged to a pretty cool girl. I'm glad he found someone who makes him happy. He deserves it!

 Joe and I at the movies!

 Joe and I on my 21st Birthday. I'm the ONLY person he will take a shot of tequila with, and he will ONLY do it on my birthday.

 Me and Joe in our apartment on 4/20/2008. We can't make normal faces, ever.

 Me, Joe and my mother at the bar on my 22nd birthday.

Me and Joe the night that he moved into the house. We were hanging out in my room with my boyfriend at the time smoking weed and playing Spiro. So awesome.

Next up is Julie. I also met her in 11th grade. Well, the summer after 10th to be fair. We met at warped tour, of all places. Julie and I clicked right away. We have the same type of weird humor and we both hate drama. It makes for a fun-filled, drama-free friendship. And I don't mean "we hate drama" in the way that most people say it. Have you ever noticed that anytime someone says "i hate drama!!" they happen to be the MOST dramatic people you know? Yeah, I know a few people like that, who will actually be brought up later. Julie isn't like that. We never have an issue. We brush things off instead of creating drama out of it. Not to say that we haven't gone through some hard times, we have. But never anything that couldn't be resolved.

 Julie and I

 We used to drink at her moms house every Friday night. Underage drinking FTW ahaha..

Julie and I again. She rules.

My brother and I have always been really close. He's not actually related to me. My mom has been with his dad since I was about 3, Bryan was 4. We were best friends before that. His aunt lived next to us and we used to play all the time. My mom and his dad do have a child together even though they are no longer an item (a really long, really FUCKED UP story that I won't get into..) it makes me feel close to him. He will always be my big brother, just as I will always be his little sister. I can't even begin to describe my crazy messed up family, but these days it seems everyone has a crazy messed up family. I'll just get on to the picture..

This is one of my favorite pictures of us. This was August 2009, after I got married (not the smartest thing I've ever done..) Bryan didn't agree AT ALL, but he still came to the courthouse to support me, and he still came out with me afterwards. I couldn't ask for a better, more supportive big brother.

I'm really close with my sister as well. We weren't always close. In fact, when we were younger we couldn't stand being in the same room. It wasn't until I had to move in with my dad at age 12 that we started to get really close. She joined the Navy as soon as she graduated high school. She was still 17 so my mother had to sign her over. She left shortly after her 18th birthday and graduated from boot camp in February of 2008. We both now live in southern California so I see her the most out of everyone in my family. We have a very sisterly relationship. It's love/hate sometimes. We drive each other crazy but there's always an unconditional love there.

That's me and her. I was being a good big sister. This is one of my favorite pictures.

Me and Ericka at the bar in November 2010. We went to the "Parade of Lights" in the harbour and went to get drinks after with a few of her friends.

I met Miranda through "JA", who I very briefly talked about in another post. She came over for a bar-b-que and ended up staying over my house because we all got REALLY drunk. We were literally INSEPARABLE from that night until I moved an hour away to live with my boyfriend. We still talk almost every day and now that I'm in the area again for a couple weeks, we've been spending time together. She's very friendly and very outgoing. She speaks her mind more often than not and she has a beautiful baby girl, Grace. She happens to be one of those really dramatic girls who somehow ALWAYS has drama going on in her life but claims to hate drama. I try not to pay attention to it.

 Me, Grace, and Miranda. We were making Halloween cupcakes. Grace had neon green icing all over her face and decided she wanted to give me kisses. Too cute.

 Miranda made this picture. She thinks I'm crazy, but she loves me anyway :)

She and Grace had nowhere to go so I let them live with me until my sister got home.

Bre and I didn't exactly start off on the right foot. She knew my boyfriend at the time through mutual friends. She left a comment on one of his pictures that I found offensive and I confronted her about it. After that we actually got to know each other and realized that we're pretty much twins. We both have the same attitude towards the human race our opinions are usually very similar, though not always. Like Julie, she doesn't have a cloud of drama following her everywhere. She doesn't put up with it. I like that.

Bre and I. We were stoned and probably laughing at how dumb the human race is.

Autumn took me in when my husband kicked me out in an unfamiliar town. She also drove 600 miles to my hometown to pick me up so I could move. This was before I even knew her. She is, without a doubt, one of the kindest people I've ever met. Don't take advantage though, because she is NOT afraid to stand her ground. She has no problem telling you exactly what she thinks. I love that about her. These are the reasons we got along. I live across the country now but I miss her so much and I will never forget her kindness.

Me and Autumn on New Years Eve. The night before my husband kicked me out of the house. We were on the same beer pong team and we happened to get shut-out. That meant we had to sit under the pong table for the next game and drink all the beer from our game.

Matt, my boyfriend. My love. Words can't describe the love I feel for this person. We haven't known each other for a very long time, but it feels like I've known him my whole life. I feel more comfortable around him than I've ever felt around anyone else. We can have a whole conversation without saying a word. He's 4 years younger than me and that scares me sometimes but it doesn't change how much love I have for him.

Cupcakes! and other mindless rambling..

I'm SUPERRR in the mood for a cupcake today. I don't know why. I'm really picky about icing/frosting, though. I don't even know what the kind I like is called. I would know it if I saw it/tasted it. I don't like when it's too sweet and sugary or stiff. The stuff I like is kinda... melty? I don't know how to describe it, and every time I try to, people look at me as if I lost a few marbles. It's almost similar to a Reddi-Whip type consistency.. Maybe it's simply whipped cream frosting? Who knows. Next time I find it I'm asking about it. Also, I like vegan cupcakes a LOT more than non-vegan ones.. I was supposed to go with my friend "M" today to the commissary on base. (She had some grocery shopping to do for when her boyfriend gets back from FTX next week.) While she was shopping, I was going to head over to the bakery to get some cupcakes. She ended up not feeling well, so we had to cut the trip short. Needless to say, I was bummed.

I'm at my sister's house for about another week or so. I've been here since the 4th. I want to go back home. I miss my life, my boyfriend, and basically just being in a house full of people all the time. I stayed up here for 8 months by myself while she was deployed last year. I got used to the loneliness, but at the same time I didn't know anyone here since I had just moved across the country. When September came, I got new neighbors in the empty apartment directly downstairs from mine. My sister returned home two months later, but I made friends with them immediately. The day I met them we had a few beers and watched movies at their place and they invited me to go tubing the next morning (which was a BLAST!). We'll call them "MF", "KB", "JA", and "SB". SB didn't live there. She was friends with JA through another friend (who is now one of my best friends). She was from Texas and she was very nice. We got along right away. KB was the first one to talk to me. At first I thought he was very charming, but a little pushy. MF made me laugh. A lot. He reminded me a lot of myself.  He was the youngest, 4 years younger than me as a matter of fact, but he was subtle, sarcastic, and very funny. (I later found out that we have the same birthday, we also ended up falling in love, who knew?) JA was the oldest, he was really cool and down to earth. I got along with him right away as well. MF and I are still dating, and living together actually. I still talk to everyone except KB. He turned out to be a real creeper. I'll elaborate on that some other time.

Me and MF

To be honest, I have no idea where I was going with this. I'm exhausted, and started rambling about things that were on my mind. Forgive me. hah..